Communication is my downfall

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Right? Hi, my name is Melissa and I can't talk myself out of a brown paper bag if it involves sharing my true feelings with someone I care for. Now everyone responds with, "Hi Melissa" with encouraging acceptance. (Oh what a perfect world I live in.)

After 8 months of solid bliss with Chase, it was bound to happen. *Cue in dooms day music* We had a major fight. Again, I admit that I started the entire thing because I couldn't tell him what was bothering me, and it only escalated after that. He wants me to be brutally honest, no matter what the cost, and I would rather bottle everything up.

It was a screaming, crying, exploding fight that finally ended when we both calmed down and talked about what was going on. Yes, I broke down and told him the things that were upsetting me (that's a step in the right direction). He admitted that he pushes people away before they hurt him. We held each other, cried crocodile tears together, and said the dreaded "I screwed up and I'm sorry".

So, we have some issues to work out together. My communication skills, or lack thereof, and his reaction of pushing people away. At the end of the day, I'm glad I'm able to work through our issues together and not separately. This little bump in the road will only make our relationship stronger.

*Us at Garrett's birthday party

Meeting Chase for lunch

So, in just one hour I'll be seeing Chase for the first time in almost 8 years. I'm a nervous wreck! I send out a S.O.S. to my friends for a confidence boost:

"Tell me nice things…like Chase would be a loser if he didn’t fall in love with me the moment he sees me. And I’m so beautiful. LOL! Yeah right! I’m so nervous I want to puke over everything on my desk. I’m leaving at 11 to meet him!"

In moments my mailbox fills. Cyndi's responds first:

"You ARE beautiful!!! And smart and sweet and funny, and he would be a fool to do anything less than fall head over heels for you! But wait, I’m sorry, he can’t do that at lunch… HE ALREADY HAS! :) It’s obvious from his emails that he is already still gaga over you. So, be confident – know that he already wants you - and go knock his socks off even more. Go get him Tiger!!! :) And let me know immediately when you get back!! Good luck!!!"

Ok, I'm feeling better. Next is Stacy:

"You ARE beautiful! And you have an amazing personality, and you're funny, and smart! You obviously have a special something that's getting all these guys hooked on you from the 1st moment they're with you! Chase would be nuts if he didn't fall in love with you all over again as soon as he sees you today!!! I would advise NOT puking....that might not work for you ;o) Let me know how it goes!!!"

Without friends like this I think life would be miserable. I'm still nervous but I'm feeling much better about this lunch "date".

The wait is over

This morning I come into the office with a message waiting for me. I hold my breath and say alittle prayer that it's from Chase. Low and behold, it WAS from him! His response was:

"If by moved you mean to Lufkin then yeah i be the one, that has never forgotten about you and has tried to find you but the only thing i remembered was your old yahoo email address that didnt work. WOW what has been up, you look good and its glad to hear from you again."

Never forgotten about me? HUH?!?!?! He can't really be serious. Just reading those words gives me butterflies in my stomach. What do I write in return?

Finding an old love

I'm going to admit something that I haven't told anyone before. For the past 8 years, I've thought about an ex boyfriend of mine. Don't get me wrong, while I was married I never wanted to contact him for romantic purposes. Before I lost contact with him he was having some medical problems and I've always wondered how he was doing. Every time I searched for him I came up empty until today!

Chase was 20 and I was only 17. He was my first real boyfriend and someone I fell madly in love with. He broke up with me because of the age difference. He was about to turn 21 and wanted to be able to go to the bar and drink. Of coarse, I wouldn't be able to go with him and he didn't want to worry about me sitting at home. Yeah, it was a stupid excuse. I was completely heartbroken.

Chase and Melissa - 2000

I've been thinking about him lately. Wondering how his life is going. Did he get married? Have kids? In a perfect relationship? How is he doing medically? I'm not going to lie....he will always have alittle piece of my heart.

So, I did another search for him today thinking it would come up empty. The first couple of websites I visited came up with the same results (no person matching that name). I'm on the last site and I think I finally found him! His picture is blurred out and his profile is set to private BUT in my heart I really think this is the guy. I sent a short message asking if I had the right "Chase". I'm crossing my fingers that I get a reply.

10 reasons why it's a good idea to get a divorce

10. You can have all the hot water you want in the mornings.
9. No more smelling nasty farts or burps.
8. Cooking for one is so much easier.
7. I can watch whatever I want on tv and whenever I want.
6. Don't have to listen to snoring all night.
5. I can spend time with my friends without checking in with anyone.
4. Shopping! Enough said!
3. No more washing of dirty underwear and socks - other than your own.
2. Don't have to put with my crazy mother-in-law.
1. I'm able to fall in love again with someone and get that butterfly in the stomach feeling.