Just one year ago

This month marks one year since I packed up the boys and myself and walked away from my marriage to Jimmy. April 5 was the actual day I decided to leave and it was probably the hardest decision I’ve had to make. On that day I literally thought that life was over (yes, I know that sounds extreme) even though I had to appear strong for my kids and the people around me. Heartache, sadness, shock, anger, all balled into one emotion.

I am amazed and grateful that life can do a 180 in just a matter of months. I no longer feel life is over, but instead I feel it is just starting. A new chapter has opened in my book of life. I am the happiest I’ve been in an extremely long time and I have a divorce to thank for that. My divorce is a cause of happiness? WOW!

Excuses are like buttholes....everyone has one

Garrett has been sick since Friday. Jimmy has been giving him medicine, but it didn’t sound like they were doing any good. I talked to Garrett on the phone yesterday and he sounded miserable. I talked to him again today to wish him a happy birthday and he sounded alittle worse. I finally demanded that Jimmy take him to the doctor. He gives me the “I don’t have the money” song and dance as usual. I told him fine, I’ll deposit the money into your account and I want receipts for the appointment and the medicine.

The appointment = $25
The meds = $20

Naturally I deposit $45 into his account and he says, “Well what about McDonald’s that I just paid for?” WTF?!?! Are you serious dude?

Chase's divorce is final

Chase is finally a free man. I'm sure he feels like a heavy burden has been lifted off his shoulders. The stipulations of his divorce are as follows:

1. Chase has primary custody of Devin. (YAH!)
2. She is ordered to pay $100 in child support every month.
3. Chase remains in the house - she has 30 days to get out and he owes her $1250 for half of the equity in the house.
4. She has more than the normal visitation - extended weekends and one night during her "off weeks".

Those are the major ones that they fought over. He basically won every single item that he wanted - the single most important one being Devin.

It is a very good day!

Today was D-Day

It's official! I'm a divorced, single mom. It's alittle intimidating to stand in front of a judge to declare that you no longer love a man that you vowed to stick with for better or worse. To think 7 years ago I promised to remain married to this man until the day one of us died, and now I'm breaking that promise. If you really think about it I was already dead inside.

Everyone keeps asking what I'm feeling. I don't know how to explain it. I'm feeling excited, sad, happy, reflective, scared, etc. I have my kids, my family, and, believe it or not, I have a man in my life that I'm completely in love with. Things would be different if I were alone or if I came home to an empty house. If I didn't have anybody in my life then I'm sure it would have been a depressing day. But that isn't the case.

Despite all the emotions, I feel like this is the right decision.

Divorce count down - 4 days

Jimmy was given the final decree to look over about 2 weeks ago. I KNEW he would have issues with the back child support. The months that he REFUSED to help in any way. It totaled out to be alittle less than $2500. My lawyer called me yesterday and said that he doesn’t agree with the back support. He will agree to pay $1200 in one lump sum though. To get everything over with, I agreed to that.

With Jimmy it will always be a fight. What’s sad is this is just the beginning. I’m going to have to fight for everything those kids deserve for the next 14-15 years. And honestly I don’t have the strength to do it. At least not right now. Which in turn does that make me a bad mom for NOT fighting for what those kids deserve?

I realized awhile ago that he will always be the dead beat dad and will never take care of his kids. He will never be the father/husband/person that I hoped he would be. His actions proved his character when I left, and that’s what makes me not want to go back to him ever again. He proved what kind of person he truly is and I don’t ever want to be around him.

I feel like a fool for crying.

You got served!

Jimmy got served divorce papers today at 2 o'clock. Drinks are on me!

10 reasons why it's a good idea to get a divorce

10. You can have all the hot water you want in the mornings.
9. No more smelling nasty farts or burps.
8. Cooking for one is so much easier.
7. I can watch whatever I want on tv and whenever I want.
6. Don't have to listen to snoring all night.
5. I can spend time with my friends without checking in with anyone.
4. Shopping! Enough said!
3. No more washing of dirty underwear and socks - other than your own.
2. Don't have to put with my crazy mother-in-law.
1. I'm able to fall in love again with someone and get that butterfly in the stomach feeling.

On good terms - at least for right now.

Jimmy and I actually talked about the dreaded word “divorce”. Luckily we are agreeing on everything right now even though he is worried about the amount he will have to pay in child support. He does not understand that he makes 3 times as much as I do and I can not support the boys by myself. I’m not going to back down. Yes, it’s great that I have parent’s that are willing to let us stay at there house while I get the divorce finalized, but the kids need their own place to call home. I need a place to call my own. For some reason, Jimmy doesn’t understand that.

I’ve agreed to go out to a bar this weekend. Supposedly, it isn’t one of those meat-market bars but rather a low key place to hang out. At first I declined but I changed my mind after I realized that I need to start making friends of my own. Of course, I’m in no way looking for someone to marry or another man to whisk me off my feet but I am ready to make/meet new friends.

Is it wrong to feel this good about a divorce????

Contacting a divorce lawyer

Today I contacted a divorce lawyer for some information. She was referred to by my Mom's co-worker who recently went through a divorce herself. Can this really be happening? All of this seems surreal.

Explaining divorce to the kids

I've gotten several questions on why we can't go "home" from the boys. Every morning Garrett will say, "We going home now?" It breaks my heart! My sister-in-law, Stacy, suggested a book that would explain some of things that are going on. Yesterday afternoon I stopped by the bookstore and picked up Dinosaurs Divorce. I'm actually surprised at how straight foward the book is. You think that your children are too young to be told what is really going on, but they need to know!