You got served!

Jimmy got served divorce papers today at 2 o'clock. Drinks are on me!

10 reasons why it's a good idea to get a divorce

10. You can have all the hot water you want in the mornings.
9. No more smelling nasty farts or burps.
8. Cooking for one is so much easier.
7. I can watch whatever I want on tv and whenever I want.
6. Don't have to listen to snoring all night.
5. I can spend time with my friends without checking in with anyone.
4. Shopping! Enough said!
3. No more washing of dirty underwear and socks - other than your own.
2. Don't have to put with my crazy mother-in-law.
1. I'm able to fall in love again with someone and get that butterfly in the stomach feeling.

Reflections on life

I have realized that I missed a lot by getting married at such a young age. Most of my friends are still in the college, roaring twenties, party hard, and drink until you throw up or pass out. I, on the other hand, am worrying about paying daycare, supporting two boys, and struggling through the emotions of a divorce. Two completely different phases!

I envy the friends that I have and wish I could have done the same. But in the end, I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. The struggles that I have been through, the struggles I’m going through now, and the struggles that I will face in the future all build my character.

An email from "Jimmy"

While on vacation, Jimmy sent me the following email. He should know after almost 7 years together that I know his writing skills. I know for a fact he did not write this. Jimmy can not put on coherent sentence together to save his life. I found out later that his girlfriend, Genny, wrote it. She doesn't know the Jimmy I know and is accepting his lies as the truth. She is going to find out sooner or later that he isn't who he says he is!

ok. I'm done and have had enough. First thing tomorrow I will have my own lawyer. I dont know who you think you are talk to but I am not stupid. NO the thing about having the boys around Genny, IS NOT standard, I have asked a lawyer about it! That is something that has to be added. If you think you what to add it and drag me to court every time you go right ahead, I hope you have some money saved up and a damn good lawyer. You are acting like a spoiled child who didnt get their way. YOU left me! You are mad that I am happy and moving on. I guess you thought I would be alone and waiting for you when you wanted to come back. I asked you to come back and get help and all I heard was how much you hated me and didnt love me and never should have married me. Well now you have what you wanted, your freedom.

About the bills, if you are saying that you are not going to pay the cell phone bill, thats fine. IT WILL BE turned off first thing tomorrow. You went running home to your parents where the only thing you pay is daycare. I dont care to hear about you paying rent and any other bills there. we both know that is a lie. You seem to have money for new clothes, trips out of town, hair, nails, eating out, but no money for daycare. GROW UP! You are a mother with responsibilities. If you dont want deal with acting like an adult, give me the boys and I will take care of them.

While I am on the subject of the boys....I dont care who or what you do, HOWEVER, if you think for a sec that you are moving MY boys out of state you have another thing comming!

I am again TELLING you that you need to have whatever you want out of the apartment NO LATER than JULY 15TH! If not it will all condisered ABANDONED PROPERTY and be thrown away.

Melissa, I am truely sorry we didnt work out. YOU left and we both need to move on. Our divorce needs to be handled and be done with. From this point on, unless it has to do with the boys or when you are comming to get your things or you are signing papers...I DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU! Save whatever nasty email you are thinking about sending because I will not be answering you.

Happy 25th Birthday to me!

I'm all alone for my birthday! The kids are with Jimmy this week and I have the house to myself. It's nice to take a long bubble bath without someone knocking at the door yelling "MOMMA".

My co-workers took me out to lunch. Becky made a cake, which is a miracle in itself since she claims she is allergic to the kitchen. The kids called this morning and came by the office at lunch to give me a card and flowers. I guess Jimmy gets some credit.
But I'd be lying if I said I'm not lonely. It sucks to celebrate your birthday by yourself. Thank you to everyone who has left a message or called to wish me a happy birthday. I really appreciate it.

A really bad day!

It’s been a rough day. A day that I want to just sit in a dark room and cry. Cry until I can’t cry anymore. I wish everything would magically all be better. Most days I look at this and think that these struggles will only make me stronger but I feel like these struggles are going to torture me to death. I feel like in the end it wont make a bit of difference. I want to stop caring, I want to stop eating, I want to stop the drama, I want to stop life!

My first date?

Yes, I had a date today. Are you shocked?

A friend of mine set me up on a personals website (which I had no clue about until I started getting emails). I decided to answer one or two emails and I actually really liked one guy in particular. After a week of talking, we decided to meet when the kids were gone for the weekend. This morning I went to church and had an intense feeling that I needed to just call him and ask to meet for lunch. He suggested a kid-friendly place so the kids wouldn't be bored.

I was nervous! I can't describe how nervous I was. We met outside and I knew from the beginning he wasn't "in to" me. CRUSHING! He gave me one of those half-side hugs the one that says "I'm trying to be nice". The rest of the meal I just couldn't talk. I couldn't look at him. My nerves got the best of me and I wasn't myself (the half hug didn't help either).

I don't know if I can do this again. It has been almost 8 years since I had a date! It was alot easier to do it without kids and I certainly looked alot different. How the hell am I supposed to do this again?

Self Affirmation Day

Today is affirmation day. I am going to post 5 things that I like about myself. What about you? Can you find 5 things you like about yourself? Tell me what they are. (seems only fair since I am telling you mine).

1. I like ME. I may not have the best of confidence about myself or I may want to change a few things, but overall I like who I am today.
2. I like my compassion for others. I am the friend that will do anything to make it all better, I’ll be there when needed, or give the shirt off my back.
3. I like my nose. It’s probably the only part of my body that I actually like. I think it’s cute!
4. I like being a smart ass. It catches people off guard.
5. I like being the “quiet” one who observes everyone and everything.

Questions on dating

OK, I know it is too early to be dating but I have a question. Do guys at the age of 30-35 still have the mentality of a 25 year old? Are they still only looking for that trophy wife. Still worried about how fat or thin a woman is? Or are they thinking about a woman's personality and how they will "fit".

I understand that physical attraction plays a big part in the whole dating scene. But are men willing to look past the physical aspect and really look at you as a person?

On good terms - at least for right now.

Jimmy and I actually talked about the dreaded word “divorce”. Luckily we are agreeing on everything right now even though he is worried about the amount he will have to pay in child support. He does not understand that he makes 3 times as much as I do and I can not support the boys by myself. I’m not going to back down. Yes, it’s great that I have parent’s that are willing to let us stay at there house while I get the divorce finalized, but the kids need their own place to call home. I need a place to call my own. For some reason, Jimmy doesn’t understand that.

I’ve agreed to go out to a bar this weekend. Supposedly, it isn’t one of those meat-market bars but rather a low key place to hang out. At first I declined but I changed my mind after I realized that I need to start making friends of my own. Of course, I’m in no way looking for someone to marry or another man to whisk me off my feet but I am ready to make/meet new friends.

Is it wrong to feel this good about a divorce????

Contacting a divorce lawyer

Today I contacted a divorce lawyer for some information. She was referred to by my Mom's co-worker who recently went through a divorce herself. Can this really be happening? All of this seems surreal.

Explaining divorce to the kids

I've gotten several questions on why we can't go "home" from the boys. Every morning Garrett will say, "We going home now?" It breaks my heart! My sister-in-law, Stacy, suggested a book that would explain some of things that are going on. Yesterday afternoon I stopped by the bookstore and picked up Dinosaurs Divorce. I'm actually surprised at how straight foward the book is. You think that your children are too young to be told what is really going on, but they need to know!

Definition of cheating?

How do you define cheating?

1. Spouse "pleasuring" themselves without your knowledge.
2. Spouse going to a strip club.
3. Spouse looking for another person to have relations with, but not actually physically doing anything. You could call this an emotional affair.
4. The actual act (kissing, foreplay, etc.)

I'd like to know your opinion on it.

And the sadness sets in

It has been 3 days since I found out about my husband's secret messages on the internet and this is the first day that I'm actaully sad. It is the first day that I cried. You would think that I would be upset about losing a man that I married almost 6 years ago, but I'm sad that I don't want to work things out. That I would rather walk away from him instead of staying and repairing our marriage. I'm sad that I regret marrying him at 18 years old. I'm sad that I wish the kids weren't part of the picture because things would be so easy. And most important I'm sad that I'm taking our family away from my boys.

Separation

Jimmy and I separated today. I'm not sure what is going to happen in the long run. I'm trying to take things one day at a time.