Be back soon

I'm in a funk; a major funk. I have so much that I need to write, but everytime I sit down at the computer the words never come. Right now my life seems to be upside down and I'm kicking like a turtle to get up and walking again. So, bare with me and I will be back soon. I'll probably start right where I left off (Christmas), so you will have to read old news.

Dreams

I am a vivid dreamer. Usually I wake up and can recite everything that happened in my made up fairy tale to pin point detail. Maybe it's a gift or maybe it's just that I have an over active imagination.

My current dream is I'm the 800 pound woman and bedridden. My mother is forced to lift my fat rolls to bathe me, helps me use the bathroom, and brings me food throughout the day. One day a wall in our house is cut out in order for the paramedics to save me. I am somehow wheeled onto a forklift and being driven through downtown Houston. On the way to a fat clinic....I die.

What does this mean? The only conclusion I can come to is that food is killing. I'm an addict....a food addict. Food is like crack (not that I know what crack does to you) and I can't ever get enough. I'm one Twinkie away from being the 800 pound woman who is bedridden. I'm one Ho-Ho away from killing myself. It really is depressing!

My sweet Lorelai

Lorelai is staying with Aunt Melissa and Chase for the night! She is my only niece and the love of my life. I don't keep her nearly enough, and when I do she is spoiled rotten. The biggest laugh I got was watching her run after the dogs. She would run, stand at the edge of the kitchen, and giggle with delight. Watching her enjoyment made me laugh.

Lorelai's favorite toy is the dog cage. She insists on sitting in there. Or putting her baby doll in there when it's bed time. What is the fascination with a cage? It does make for cute photos though!



We went stopped by Walmart to pick up some much needed items and she crashed. Chase and I took turns in holding her. Seeing Chase hold my precious niece was indescribable. It made me wonder what it would be like if we have children. Chase can be such a hard ass, but watching him with Lorelai brings out a side I'm not used to seeing. He is gentle, loving, and so caring. I love seeing it.

Happy New Year

Every year I make resolutions for the bringing in of a new year, but this year is going to be different. My only resolution is to not make any. I make the same promises every year. I will lose weight, be a better mom, spend more time with the kids, be more patient, etc. Every year I feel like I don't accomplish any of those goals, especially the weight thing. In turn I feel like a failure and right now I refuse to feel like that. Now that I think about it, maybe I'll make one resolution.

1. Be happy with who I am. (for once in my life)