The wait is over

This morning I come into the office with a message waiting for me. I hold my breath and say alittle prayer that it's from Chase. Low and behold, it WAS from him! His response was:

"If by moved you mean to Lufkin then yeah i be the one, that has never forgotten about you and has tried to find you but the only thing i remembered was your old yahoo email address that didnt work. WOW what has been up, you look good and its glad to hear from you again."

Never forgotten about me? HUH?!?!?! He can't really be serious. Just reading those words gives me butterflies in my stomach. What do I write in return?

Finding an old love

I'm going to admit something that I haven't told anyone before. For the past 8 years, I've thought about an ex boyfriend of mine. Don't get me wrong, while I was married I never wanted to contact him for romantic purposes. Before I lost contact with him he was having some medical problems and I've always wondered how he was doing. Every time I searched for him I came up empty until today!

Chase was 20 and I was only 17. He was my first real boyfriend and someone I fell madly in love with. He broke up with me because of the age difference. He was about to turn 21 and wanted to be able to go to the bar and drink. Of coarse, I wouldn't be able to go with him and he didn't want to worry about me sitting at home. Yeah, it was a stupid excuse. I was completely heartbroken.

Chase and Melissa - 2000

I've been thinking about him lately. Wondering how his life is going. Did he get married? Have kids? In a perfect relationship? How is he doing medically? I'm not going to lie....he will always have alittle piece of my heart.

So, I did another search for him today thinking it would come up empty. The first couple of websites I visited came up with the same results (no person matching that name). I'm on the last site and I think I finally found him! His picture is blurred out and his profile is set to private BUT in my heart I really think this is the guy. I sent a short message asking if I had the right "Chase". I'm crossing my fingers that I get a reply.

Promises, promises, and more promises!

Over the weekend I had alot of thinking to do and it was really quite simple. I came to the same conclusion every single time. I don't want to be with him any more! The fact that he left Gen and is expecting me to change my mind about the divorce in just a matter of days doesn't prove any type of love for me. It only shows how scared he is at the possibility of being alone. When I got into work this morning this email awaited:

Hey Baby I was just hoping you could tell me what all was on your mind. I will help with Daycare, go to counseling, and anything else you want baby. I feel like there is still something there betwen us I just need to give you time to heal. I also help pay you back for the lawyer and in the end if we decide its not the best thing to do I pay for the lawyer next time. Please baby dont go through with the divorce, give me some time to prove myself to you and time for your heart to mend. I love you so much and have been a jerk and a idiot for a while. I am ready to put you and my family first and to get our finances straight so one day we can have a house of our own.

My thoughts:

1. "Baby" will no longer be accepted as a form of endearment. I think I threw up in my mouth alittle.
2. He promises so much but will never put forth the effort.
3. These are only words to him, empty promises.
4. I've heard the same lines year after year and nothing has ever changed.
5. Jimmy is a jerk and an idiot. He himself admitted it.

Jimmy wants to work things out

I got a phone call this morning from Jimmy (who was crying on the other end). He said he left Genny because he realized he wanted to work things out between us. You've got to be kidding!!! I decided to go to lunch with him because honestly I wanted the poop on the Genny situation. Not to mention, I really wanted to see him so hurt and depressed by the decisions he made in life.

When I returned from lunch he sent me the following email:

I just wanted to say it was very nice to have lunch with you today. You looked very good and beautiful as always. Baby I want you to know I do anything and everything to gain your trust and love back. I was wondering if you would like to come over sunday afternoon and maybe take the boys to the park. If that is to much to soon i will understand. I also was wondering if you might could put a hold on the divorce will we try to work things out. I truelly have never stopped loving you I was just stupid, and lead in the wrong direction. I should have been trying to make things right with you the whole time.

To this I say....what a crock of horse poo! There is no way I'm going to put the divorce on hold because HE wants to work things out.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

I try to stay a positive person even through everything that is happening in my life right now. I have to believe that things happen for a reason and even though things aren't going so well at this moment that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel. It has to get better! If I didn't believe that I'm not sure I would be able to get out of bed every morning.
Today was just a rough day in general. I woke up with a migraine and the kids were misbehaving, screaming, and into EVERYTHING all day long. Tonight as I sit at home I'm feeling overwhelmed.

The light at the end of the tunnel seems like it is disappearing rather than getting brighter.

An empty house

Today was a busy day for me, extremely busy! Jimmy took the kids out of town to see his mother so I booked the movers and cleaned out the apartment. He is moving in with his girlfriend the end of July so what does he need our furniture for? What a pleasant surprise for him. I wish I could be a fly on the wall to see the look on his face when he walks into an empty house.

Revenge is sweet. When you cheat on your wife....you come home to an empty house!