Hello! I'm trying to take a crap in peace!

Please enlighten me on why people talk on the phone while in the bathroom. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, is that important to take a call while answering nature's call. All I want to do is take care of business, but instead I'm conscience of being too loud while going #1 in fear the person on the other end of the line can hear me actually make my deposits in the porcelain god. Not to mention the shear embarrassment on how much noise the thing makes when I flush. Why is that my problem?

How about you go outside and tell Jo Blow how sloshed you got last night or how your precious daughter puked all over you and the dog started licking it up? I want to go to the bathroom in peace without worrying about your conversation with Ima Hogg.

Maybe next time I'll muster up the biggest fart I can and see what happens. Do you think I can clear a room? I have no doubt! From now on I shall call myself "girl who clears bathroom".