S T R E S S E D

I’m stressed. Wait, is there a better word that means more than stressed? Frazzled, anxious, tense, emotional, exhausted. I’m feel all this and so much more right now. This entire week has been horrible, and I’m starting to feel the effects.

Last night my dear little Jacob was screaming (playing) in his bed after 11 o’clock. I had already gone into the kid’s room 3 times telling them both to be quiet. When I heard him scream and then giggle, I had had enough. I stormed in there, told him to come into my room, and get into my bed for the night. 30 minutes….count them….30 minutes of non-stop, high pitched crying and screaming because he wanted to go back into his bed. Finally I let him go because I couldn’t stand it anymore.

In turn, I lay in my bed and cried because I felt so inadequate. I’m a bad mother. I don’t follow through with what I say or the punishments I give. My kids are spoiled rotten and have no discipline. These are all comments I’ve heard in the last month from several different people. I’m tired of sticking up for myself.

Even though I’m exhausted, sleep never comes. Honestly, sleep is a luxury that I hardly indulge in anymore. I toss and turn for the majority of the night. 12 am….2 am….3 am…..I finally pass out. Waking up at 5:30 in a zombie like state. The lack of sleep leaves me weepy and edgy.

There are 50 million piles of laundry that are staring me in the face. I can’t walk anywhere in our “living quarters” without stepping on a toy and almost breaking my neck. Tornados Garrett & Jacob have stormed around and left evidence of destruction in their path. The everyday chores have been put on the back burner for too long. I should be doing this when I can’t sleep instead of staring at an empty ceiling.

This is my world, my life, now as I know it; a stressed, emotional, exhausted inadequate mother.